YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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