marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
