rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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