The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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