Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm really busy with my period
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