The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
