Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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