And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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