Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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