i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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