If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
