Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
