Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
