it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
