I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
