I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
