We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
