Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
