Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
