I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
