He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
