I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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