my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
