I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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