my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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