super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
