Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
