Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
