I got chris browned last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
