Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
