I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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