so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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