she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
