When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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