Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
