Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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