He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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