wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
