Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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