She said her name was "party"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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