We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
