We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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