Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
