a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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