I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
