There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
