glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
