whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
