Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
