Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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