I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
