wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
