Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
