Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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