I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone came in the potted fern
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
