6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
