some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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