Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
