I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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