boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
