He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize