end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
