you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
