I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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