help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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