I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
