Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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(+44): View more from England

why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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(239): View more from Florida

they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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(330): View more from Ohio

All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

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(480): View more from Arizona

She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

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(406): View more from Montana

Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.

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(435): View more from Utah

Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off

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(551): View more from New Jersey

My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday

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