Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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