I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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