I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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