Umm I'm too high to move.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
