im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
