if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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