it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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