What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
