I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
