i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Shame - the story of my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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