You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
